Him.

In this life, there is him.

I wish I could explain him in more than just few words. But my knowledge is limited, because he is missing.

Or maybe I am missing. Well I am missing....missing him.

Him is missing from me.

Him is missing from me so much that I am beginning to forget. Forget what he looks like, forget how he talks, forget his laugh or how he used to see me, jump back with his arms wide open and say "come here!" in his deep, manly voice...long awaiting my leaping bear hug.

It's been years.

Too many for it to matter how many exactly. But not enough for me to be confident enough to say that it is ok that I am beginning to forget.

But I am.

I miss him. He is missing from me. I am missing from him.

I wish we could rewind time backwards.

Back to late night muppet movie marathons. Back to PC Brand piggies in a blanket pastries. Back to the day you bought me my very own pocket bike, we named her Fire because she was the most beautiful shade of Red I had ever seen.

Red was my favourite colour, and he never forgot that.

I wish him could see me now. I wonder what he would think? I have grown so much (not literally of course) but mentally and emotionally. I have done things and I hope to be going places.

I hope him can see those places one day with me.

The places I have gone are my escape. My happy. The people I have met are my rocks. The things I have done are my accomplishments, all of my gold stars have started to align.I know him would be so proud.

But until I see him again, and I hope that it be one day soon, I will hold onto those few words that I do know and wait.

In this life, there is him.

Me

In this life, there is ME.

There is also YOU.

Which would make it, ME and YOU...I guess?

Well maybe not.

Maybe life is allowed to be JUST about ME sometimes. You think that's ok? Probably not eh.

Once in a while it is important to remember that although I maybe wouldn't be ME without YOU, I have to take care of me first and foremost. How am I supposed to take care of YOU if ME isn't okay on my own?

Selfish?

No.

Taking care of ME is not a selfish act. In fact, it is a necessity. ME needs to remember to eat 3 meals a day, sleep a solid 8 hours, exercise regularly, take care of this and do that and some more of this and that....all which somehow seems to mush into one solid blur.

Why?

Because ME is too busy worrying about YOU.

Or maybe not.

Maybe ME isn't focused on YOU at all but cannot figure out ME, myself at all.

We think we know who we are, or at least we hope we do. But often those thoughts are incomprehensible, and we spend countless hours trying to understand who ME is or what ME wants, missing all of the signs along the way.

We take good care of ourselves on the outside but too clearly forget about the inside. The parts we can hide.

Ignore.

On the inside ME buries being vulnerable and finds a quick fix or solution to whatever problem ME may have.

But then there is YOU. Trying to help. Trying to give ME the tools that ME needs to understand that everything is going to be just fine and that YOU are going to be right there the entire time.

Suddenly ME realizes that ME needs YOU more than had originally been considered. YOU helped ME see that challenges come in all shapes and sizes. That ME can take care of ME and YOU or just ME.... or just YOU.

YOU helps ME see that change is good even though it is scary, that there might not always be second chances in life so it is better not to take the risk, and that feelings are there whether we like them or not.

ME has been through a lot lately but with YOU, ME is not alone.

ME has YOU.

In this life, there is ME...and there is YOU too.