I am thankful for YOU.

In this life there is you.

I wish I would could tell you how much you truly mean to me. But if I tried to, I would be lying.

There are no words to express my feelings for you because they are infinite, but I am reminded everyday of just how lucky and thankful I am to call you my own.

19

I am thankful because you keep me grounded.

I am thankful because you hold me when I cry.

I am thankful because you tell me when I am wrong.

I am thankful because you support me in everything I do.

I am thankful because you're there when I fail.

I am thankful because you make me feel beautiful.

I am thankful for your trust in me.

I am thankful for your kisses.

I am thankful for your commitment to me.

I am thankful for your level of respect.

I am thankful for ability to reason.

I am thankful for your zest for adventure.

I am thankful for your sense of humour.

I am thankful because you stand up for what you believe in.

I am thankful because you work hard for what you want.

I am thankful for your drive to succeed.

I am thankful for your open mind.

I am thankful for your sensitivity (whether you like it or not).

Most importantly I am thankful for this past year that we have shared together. I am thankful for that very first day we met, when you asked me to have sushi and I sat there and watched YOU eat for hours. Even though it hasn't always been easy, it's been real. That was by far the best decision I ever made.

Here is to YOU. Wishing you everything that you deserve and more this year. I cannot wait to see what the future holds.

Happy 19th Birthday to the one I love.

Always,

-Me  XO

Too many words, So little time

In this life there are too many words to be spoken and not enough time to say them all.

66 days since I last wrote a blog.

Why? because I couldn't find the words to write something meaningful, something deep, something great.

Same song and dance each time.

I'd begin to write with so many thoughts in mind but never seemed to have the time to get them all out on paper the way I had pictured in my head.

It took me 66 days to realize something.

People often think that if they don't have something grand to say that it isn't good enough, that others will judge them for what they have said- or lack there of.

I disagree.

Think before you speak is only applicable 50% of the time, the majority of that time is conversing with your parents, teachers, co-workers etc. But the other half of the time don't think- just speak. You don't have to have everything you say planned out and rehearsed 32 times in your head to get it "right".

Often we miss out on the opportunities we are given to say something- anything, because we get caught up in all the words and can't seem to find the things we want to say, so we say nothing at all.

The thing is: Words are just words until you make them mean something to you.

None of this could mean a thing to any of you, but that doesn't matter because it means something to me.

I'd rather write something small that means something to me then write a story about why I couldn't say everything that I wanted to.

It takes approximately 2.3 seconds to ask somehow how their day was. Those are words in their purest form. Those are words that mean the most. Those are words that matter.

You'd be surprised at how much those few words make all the difference to that one person, I promise.

In this life there are too many words to be spoken but plenty of time to choose the best ones to say.

Love

In this life there is love.

I believe that love is the most powerful four letter word in the english language.

L-O-V-E: An intense feeling of deep affection.

Something that is profound and tender. Something that is unique and different for everyone. Something that is rare and hard to find.

Something that is timeless.

We have all felt the feeling before. For some it is the feeling you have for a passion- a piano chord, the swinging of a baseball bat or the sound of a blade stroke upon the ice.  For others it is the feeling towards the ones we care about. Our pets, our friends, our family, our significant other etc.

Love comes in all shapes and sizes, forms and creations.

For me its the feeling I get when I enter a room full of talented movers who remind me why I LOVE to dance. The feeling I get when my friends come to me for advice when they could ask just about anyone else. The feeling when my sister tells me that she misses me on the phone after being apart for only a day. The feeling when my boyfriend tells me that I've made him want to be a better person.

All of those feelings, are what love is to me.

Love is something majestic. Whether you are lucky enough to experience and embrace it in its fullest and purest form, depends on how you play your cards. But I can reassure you that if you allow yourself to love and to be loved and to fall in love....then it will happen.

YOU, just have to let it.

You know how people always say, "think before you do?"

Don't.

Not in this case.

Just do.

Do something wonderful. Anything. Everything. Volunteer at a special needs camp. Help to build a school in Africa. Raise money for breast cancer awareness. Donate a can of food to the food bank.

The possibilities are limitless.

You'll know you have succeeded when you get that achey feeling in your chest, right where your heart is. It's a feeling that is irreplaceable, unforgettable and one of a kind on its own- It's love.

So what are you waiting for?

Go find it.

In this life there is love.

Moving on

In this life we all move forward.

Moving forward in one’s life can be one of the most difficult things to do. Sometimes when we move forward it isn’t by choice, it’s forced. You wake up one day as you would any other, but on that day everything changes. The life you used to be accustomed to only seconds ago, will no longer be your everyday routine anymore.

You’re moving on.

Now being forced to move on isn’t always a bad thing. When we think of force we often think of something bad. Like when you break up with that horrible high school boyfriend and you feel as though the carpet has been pulled out from underneath you and that your whole world is ending, when that day comes and you are forced to move on from him.

That’s the shitty kind of forced.

I’m not talking about that kind of forced. What I mean by forced is the chance to experience something new- many new things….a new house, a new school, new friends, a new lifestyle.

I’m talking about you that girl who will be starting a new chapter of her life all over again in just over a month.

That kind of forced.

It’s the scary, but exciting kind of forced -the kind that she will take complete control of and rock the shit out of whatever comes her way.

Why? Because she is fearless (and jumps out of planes….)

Life throws you curveballs no doubt and that’s a fact. And this is most definitely one of those high-speed fast moving balls. But I believe that moving on and moving forward is the best thing that can happen to a person. The best part about starting something new is the feeling you get deep inside your stomach. The feeling that I know you LOVE more than anything because that is the kind of person you are. That feeling is now and it’s yours.

So run with it.

Go to LA and find everything that makes you happy. Keep adding to that bucket list of yours. Fall in and out of love a thousand and one times. Do everything there that you couldn’t do here and MORE.

We’ll always be here when you’re ready to come back. Some things never change, and I promise you that your true friends are those things. All those things will stay with you forever.

 5 years went by way too fast. But I’m glad I got to know you the way I did. We helped each other get through grade 9 French right up until finishing our first year of University together. We grew up and now we’re here. I wish you the best of luck in all that you do and hope that whatever you do you do it for you.

Have the best time of your life. I know you will.

In this life we all move forward.

Disappointment

In this life there is disappointment.

Disappointment like everything else comes and goes. Sometimes it passes quickly and other times it isn't as easy to accept. But in the end you are the one who gets to decide how much you will allow disappointment to affect you.

Truth is, someone or something will disappoint you at least once in your life because everyone has different wants, needs and expectations.

We will all experience sadness or displeasure caused by this nonfulfillment of our hopes or expectations.

And those disappointments you remember having as a kid, like the time your mom or dad refused to buy you that really cool thing that you wanted more than anything in the entire world- won't seem as disappointing.

The first time you fail however, and I mean really fail, you will know the feeling.

I've always been pretty good at keeping my chin up through the hardest of times. But sometimes disappointment hits me harder than the feeling of sadness or frustration.

Disappointment combines all of the negative feelings into one, big, shitty feeling.

Failure.

Either you have failed or someone has failed you in some way and sometimes it is so difficult to understand why.

Why did this happen?

When you work so hard to achieve something, when you put your absolute best effort forward, and someone tells you that it's not good enough it's hard to make sense of it all.

The ever so famous line that "everything happens for a reason," all of a sudden does not seem so clear.

If everything happens for a reason, then why is someone telling me that my reason isn't good enough?

Suddenly more and more questions are developed with no answers to fill them in with.

I guess all we can do is understand the fact that we are all going to be disappointed somehow, somewhere and just maybe by someone.

Don't let these moments define you.

You are special in your own way.

You are human.

You were made to make mistakes, to be imperfect.

Keep your head up high and move forwards.

If you can get up every single day, you can overcome almost anything- disappointment included.

In this life there is disappointment.

Regret

In this life there is regret.

Regret in its purest of forms is when we feel sadness, repentant or disappointment.

Sometimes we feel for something that has happened or been done.

Sometimes we feel for a loss or missed opportunity.

Sometimes we feel nothing at all.

Numb.

It is a dark and empty place that we are forced to enter within ourselves from time to time alone. People  offer to lend a hand and listen to your problems, but ultimately the solutions are internal. All the answers you are looking for are inside of your heart and in your mind.

But how do we find them?

The solution: Look deep within.

I have found that the most common answer to all of our problems is a simple three words:

"I don't know."

I don't know why I feel the way I do. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make myself happy.

We use the phrase "I don't know," because we often do know, but are too afraid to admit it. The problem with "I don't know" is that it has become an excuse. No longer are we forced to make any decisions for ourselves because we rely on time and fate and energy to fix all of our problems.

Wrong.

The phrase "I don't know" has lost all meaning. It has become one of my least favourite comebacks in a heated discussion and has unleashed cowardice in us all.

Do not rely on "Everything happens for a reason" to determine your decisions in life. Do not say "I don't know" because most of the time you DO know. And at the odd time that you don't, then that's just fine. Take the time to figure it out because there is an answer to every question we have.

Do not regret life by wondering what could have been or what should have been.

Find the answers that you are looking for.

In this life there is regret.

Change

In this life we all change.

Change itself is a universal truth.

You've changed and I know I have too because change is inescapable. It is said that change in one's life is often one of our greatest fears. Mostly because change is different. Change is new. Change is now.

Life moves so quickly when you really think about it. One day you wake up and realize that you aren't that little girl or boy anymore. You have your own priorities and responsibilities to take care of now, no longer will mommy and daddy do it for you.... or maybe they will, but if that's the case then I wish you luck later on in this life.

Coming from someone who has experienced change in many different ways, up until recently, I've always hated change. Now hate is a strong word and so I use it with emphasis when I say it.

I hated change.

I felt like I had been through it all. The new school, the new house and the new family were all apart of this new change. I didn't know why it had to be me and I felt sorry for myself for a long time, always blaming others for my immature behaviour and the ways I acted out.

Then came clarity.

I recently reached a point in my life where it all became clear to me. The reason why we don't like change is because it isn't "safe". When you've only known things to be one way your whole life and suddenly someone asks you to drop it all for something new, we get scared.

I did.

But what I've learned is that change is a good thing. Change is a journey with new life experiences that allow you to develop yourself in many different ways. Sometimes we grow and sometimes we don't, but the outcome of change will never be the same twice.

If you're lucky you will find someone to take on change with you.  Maybe that person will implement change in you or maybe you will do so in them, but regardless you will do it together.

So embrace it.

Don't hide from change because it will find you and drag you out kicking and screaming.

In this life we all change.

Memories

In this life there are memories. There are past memories. There are present memories. And memories of the future that have yet to be created. Our memories represent- remembrance, recollection, mind and reminiscence. They are a beautiful thing. Even the bad ones believe me when I say that.

Memories help us grow, learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others. They create mini stories in our heads to help to keep us going, move on and move forward- but never forget.

See, people think it is important to only remember the good. Ever wonder why it sometimes seems so easy to forget the good things that happened in our lives, yet our brains contain bad memories for what seems like forever?

I do.

Everyday.

But why?

Now I'm not about to say that my life is anything less than the average person. We have all had our fair share of struggle, disappointment and grief, but just like the next person and the next person and the person after that-  I often wish to forget the bad memories. The times I cried myself to sleep as a little girl. The screaming and the fighting and the hitting....

All of it.

Erased.

But then I remember...

Memories are created for a purpose just like everything else in life.

I've said it a million times over. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Things happen so that they can be remembered for a reason. Bad things happen to good people so that good people can share their greatness in the next person they meet and the next person that person meets, and the one after that too.

Our brain and our memories are two separate things.

Our brain is our thoughts and our memories are our feelings.

When the two are combined, we are invincible beyond belief. We are given the power to influence, to make a difference and to remember. We decide whether or not we make the memories in our lives, or if the memories in our lives make us.

There is a reason it is so hard to forget all of the bad, but its up to YOU to figure out what that reason is. It's different for all of us, didn't you know?


In this life there are memories.